Okay boys (straight boys), just how obvious is obvious?
A few days ago, I was chatting with some girl friends of mine after having the same conversation with a few other people…and now we want your opinion.
We know that most men, by default, do the pursuing… but what if you’re on our mind and we want to text you whether it’s just to say hey, see how your day was or just text because you just saw someone totally bust their ass and no one else was there to laugh with you…after you made sure they were okay, of course :) --we see this to be a smidge similar to pursuing (I mean, it’s not quite a cheesy pick-up line or a date…), nothing super intense or anything…but is this good? bad? turn-on or off?
By hanging out with you, talking to you, letting you know you are on our mind, etc…we feel like we’ve more than made it obvious that we are into you, but do we need to explicitly state that we are, in fact, in complete and utter like with you…or are our actions enough?
I mean, we wouldn’t go so far as to send you a typed-while-intoxicated Facebook message like the one I recently received…but do you need/want the reassurance? Are you scared that we are not into you and don’t want to risk going for it? Some of us talked about how we’d let a day or so go by without making it a point to get in contact with you first just to not seem so needy, but we also don’t not want to go for it and you think we aren’t interested. Make sense? Granted, we are also not in y’alls brains, so this may not even cross your mind, but of course, we, as women, think of every possibility imaginable. For some of you, you might think we sound insecure, because I had a similar conversation with a guy I worked with a long while back and he said that questions like these make us seem insecure…but coming from our perspective, we’re not begging you to be with us or asking you to let us know every two seconds that you are also in like with us, we just want to know if we’re wasting our time…and yours. We’d rather know, even if by you telling us you feel like a complete dbag, we’ll get over it. So why waste each other’s time and ruin friendships, ya know?
In the majority of our situations (the people that were a part of this conversation), we are all crazy busy with school, work, and just life, in general…so it’s not that we’re looking for a relationship with a huge commitment (in terms of hanging out every other day and staying on the phone all night on the other days), we just want to know that you will be there when we need to talk or just want to kick it, someone that will be a person you know is there for you…and only you (relationship-wise). We want to “be” with you. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be one of those nauseating goeverywherewithandhangout24/7areonlyfriendswitheachotheronlycalleachothertotalktojustforthehellofit couples. We’re not expecting you to completely change your life to mold perfectly into ours, especially at our ages. It’s not like we’re nearing 50 and our schedules are such a clusterf*** that we still can’t manage to spend time with each other.
It was the same story almost all across the board: “We messaged and talked like no other. We went out. He seemed to enjoy the outings and kept messaging and sounded genuinely interested. But then we went some days without really speaking. Then it all started back up again. What he does and says when we talk/text one week says one thing, but then the following days, the following actions (because we didn’t talk much) say a different thing. It seems to vary from week to week.” Most of us did end up hearing back and that it had been a crazy week here and there for them and took that with a sigh of relief. But should we be taking that with a sigh of relief? Or are we just super over-analyzing everything…much as women are known to do?
We understand that you’re busy, because we are just as busy…and if that’s what’s really going on, we completely understand…but at the same time, if you’re busy and you’re just using that as your reason for not being too into-it seeming at times because you are in fact not really interested, please just say so. We don’t want to be calling or messaging you and have you on the receiving end of that text or phone call, hanging out with your other friends and being like “ohmygoodness, this girl will not stop trying to talk to me!” You’d appreciate it if we did the same, right? We do want to know if you are just not that into us. But, if you really are just busy, cool, just let us know what’s up.
And if it’s not [just] that you are busy, but have other stuff going on in your life or maybe recently got out of a seriously relationship, c o m m u n i c a t e that with us…because we just might be in a similar boat.
It’s not that the casual talks/texts/hangouts here and there aren’t fun, they do make us happy and brighten our days…but if you know it’s going nowhere and we’re still under the impression that you’re interested, it’s just like a kind of false hope. And for some of us, even if we aren’t “officially” dating someone, we are still solely interested in that one person…yeah, maybe this is a big set up for lots of let downs in our lives, but at the same time, you should feel a bit flattered, right? Haha. And it’s not like we’re looking to get married tomorrow, next month or next year, we just want to know if you like us back. Lol. This sounds so “1st grade -- Do you like me? Check yes or no.” And if Greg Behrendt were reading this, he’d probably laugh his head off and use his oh-so-famous line “LADIES, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!” But then again…there are always the exceptions. Are you the rule or are you the exception?
I don’t know about them, but I don’t want to pass up what seems to be a great guy because of something as dumb as funky timing. Relationships do take work, and if y’all click and are both willing to make it work, why the hell not?
So… if this counts for anything: I. Am in like. With you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment